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Why Failing Isn't Actually Bad For Us



I'm wondering how many of us have fell off the New Years Resolution band wagon?



All of those good intentions are long distance memories by the end of January.



And you're not alone!

When Did You Last Fail?

I used to sit all pumped up around New Years and tell myself how different the next year would be.


The issue is, New Years resolutions can't provide us with the thing we will need to make all of these changes


Willpower.



Don't feel bad though. Making New Years Resolutions just don't work!!



The issue is this past year has reminded us painfully how short life can be.



Whether we've lost people that we love through this pandemic or been reminded how precious our freedom actually was.


We've all pretty much lost a year out of our lives. If we live until we're 80 then that's a big chunk gone.

So there has to be a different way than the resolution merry go round right?



I know we all want to be happier, we all want more fun and more freedom to make the choices that we decide are right for us.


The issue is that we're not really sure HOW to do this?



Plus the fear of failing and making ourselves look like an ass in the process very often ends up with us looking like a deer caught up in the dazzling headlights.


And I understand, believe me.

I spent the first 30 years of my life making sure I didn't fail and feeling pretty proud of myself for that.


I got amazing jobs, engaged to be married, more money that I could spend, a lovely home, I travelled the globe and went and got a degree.


I spent so much time making sure I didn't fail that I didn't realise what was actually waiting for me dead on.


One day I found myself completely out of the blue unable to get out of bed.


I had become so burnout and stressed my body finally gave up on me.



I had been so busy I hadn't even noticed it coming.



So my body found a way to get me to notice.


And then my stories of failure began


It started with my health. My burnout made sure that I couldn't work again for 8 months.

I ended up getting into a toxic relationship and my whole life started to unravel.


So when this all started to happen, I told no one. And I pretended everything was fine. I couldn't admit that I had failed to anyone, even myself.


I felt embarrassed, ashamed and full of guilt that I had let myself and the people around me down.



But I had managed to keep the veil on many of my failures so no one really knew what was happening behind closed doors.

So one day my coach asked me to speak at her event. And I decided that I had to speak my truth.



I remember shaking all day knowing that I had to tell a room full of strangers what had led me here.



When I finally went on to the stage before I could even get my first word I out I began to cry. I'd kept all of this to myself for so long, the emotions were bubbling right out of me.



​​​​​​​I blubbed through some words that made no sense to me and I came off stage feeling like such a fool. I was mortified, embarrassed and felt that I shouldn't have been so unprofessional. I swore to myself that I wouldn't ever be so vulnerable again.

But then something really strange happened.



I found myself with a queue of women waiting to speak to me.....


One by one these women told me how much it had meant to them for me to share my truth. And that they had been going through similar experiences. I listened to all of their stories which were remarkably similar to my own.


Their stories humbled me and made me feel like it was no longer just about me.



I decided that day that no matter how much I struggled to tell my own journey, I had to speak my truth and share it anyway.


This included the celebrations from the wins and the struggles from the failures.



Since this day I've had more failures than I can count on my hands now.



And I'd be lying if I said the failures don't sting at all, but they don't mean the same to me now.



Every time I fail, I learn something new.


I see my life as an evolution of growth over my entire lifetime. And when the wins come (because they do!), then they mean even more to me because of my failures.

I have learnt to fail fast.


I make one decision. I move. I win/fail. I celebrate the wins. I take the learnings from the failures. Then I bounce back fast.

You see, winning or failing takes a movement. And that movement takes a decision.



I used to be so scared of making decisions in case I failed.


Now I know that failure is all part of it, I actually very often make decisions with the flip of a coin.


If I don't decide in less than 5 seconds then I flip a coin and let that decide for me.


My life now is created based on both wins and failures. And I have more freedom than I ever knew existed.


I am building the life of my dreams and I want to tell you that you can do the same




Conclusion


Now that you know why failure can actually hep us move forwards, it can help you to drop the narrative that we seem to hold that failure isn't something we should do. Failure holds lessons which we learn from which actually propel us forwards if we choose to let it.



Love


Nik xx



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