How I Started Showing Up [And How You Can Too]
This year is almost over.........woop!
I'm not normally one for celebrating speeding time up.....but I for one sure won't be sorry to see the rear end of 2020
In fact I'll be there on New Years at Midnight having the biggest celebration of my life
I'll be THAT glad to see this year done
I've lost love, I've lost business and I've lost the place I called home
And there have been days, weeks (months even) where I didn't want to show up anymore.....
I could have curled up and had me a Burrito year where I just avoided everything, everyone and ignored my feelings by eating Doritos, drinking wine and watching series of Schitt$ Creek on Netflix
Don't get me wrong, there were MANY days and weeks where I didn't show up for either myself or those counting on me
I let my business flag, my studies fall by the wayside, my health suffered and I no longer recognised who was staring back at me in the mirror
Remember back to the beginning of this year.....
We'd literally just had the news through of something happening in China
I carried on about my way and was absolutely clueless as to what was heading my way
I even managed to have an amazing trip to San Diego in February and went to a Brendon Burchard Event
Even back in February we didn't realise what was happening, and what was about to change in every single one of our lives
I'd met a great guy at the event who'd offered for me to head over to his and his husbands house over in Salt Lake City for the 3 weeks after the event
I was so excited! I'd never been to Salt Lake City and I can take my work anywhere so I was well up for extending my trip
But there were rumblings starting to really ramp up and I got scared that maybe I'd get trapped without being able to get back home
So I flew back and as I'd just moved back to the UK, I found myself at the beginning of lockdown at my parents house which was a home I'd not lived in for over 20 years
The ability for me to avoid my feelings by keeping busy vanished overnight so my downward spiral into a deep darkness began
I found I couldn't pick myself up and that the majority of those around me couldn't either
In life it takes the strongest person to lift you when you're in a deep hole and most people either miss the fact you're there or they don't know what to do to help you
On the back of a breakup, I'd have normally grabbed my girlfriends and gone out (a lot!).
I'd have done anything possible to not have to think about those feelings that were painful
I would have drank a lot to numb the pain and flirted with strangers to make myself feel better
But instead I found I had to sit with every single one of these desperately sad feelings I had
This wasn't just a break up, it was the loss of my home, my step son and my dream of living by the sea
All gone almost overnight so I had no time to process any of it
This year came along and has completely knocked so many of us off our feet
Loss of jobs, loss of an identity, loss of relationships, homes, mental health issues
This however isn't about the bad side of this year, although I understand there's been many
This is actually about the light that comes from the darkest times
The torch that shines through the darkness when you've completely lost your way
I find myself here writing this now in a completely differently space
I'm totally free of all of the darkness and the pain yes but there's something else happened to me as well so I've changed beyond recognition
For the first time in my life, I've taken any expectations from my own shoulders and any expectations I felt from those around me
That I "should" be a particular way, have a particular job with a 6 figure corporate salary and have a husband and a family.
These were all pressures I felt previous to this year and somehow I've managed to free myself of all of these shackles
It's like this year has given us all a chance of a totally blank slate
No past to dwell on
I feel like I've had a complete reset, a reboot if you like and this is the me that I've actually always meant to be
Kind, compassionate, feminine, powerful, full of joy and love
Not run ragged in the rat race, juggling 17 different tasks at once and feeling like I was being dragged through life
The shackles are well and truly come loose off me and in such a short space of time
And I know if I'd have done my usual of diverting my attention away from my emotions then I'd still be well and truly in the middle of it right now
So, how have I done this?
A gorgeous friend of mine in the middle of all of this said to me "Find an anchor, just one thing that will help see you through anything"
So that's what I did
And when I started looking for anchors I found so many of them
My amazing friends, my brother, my nephews and nieces, my desire to help other people, leading with love rather than waiting for it first and a new coach who has helped to change my world
I've also committed to challenges such as reading a book a week, showing up live everyday on Facebook for a year and setting regular intentions and goals
Have these anchors saved me?
I really truly believe they have
And if it worked for me, then it can work for you too
So, why not go find yourself an anchor?
It could be a friend, a partner, your children, a corner in your home or just the fact that you agree to show up every day, not only for yourself but for those around you
I've begun to feel an energy shift in the world, people are starting to wake up again
So why don't you make it easy on yourself and get ready to ride on the crest of this wave of energy rather than battling against it or feeling like you're standing still
Start showing up again for yourself, for those close to you and for every other human being on the planet
We need you
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