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Are You Having A Mid Life Crisis?

Up until the age of 35 I think I had life pretty much figured out


Don't misread this though, that doesn't mean my life was easy

Did I have a great childhood? No

Did I have things that were challenging? Yes

But overall, I thought I had my sh1t pretty much sorted

I had a 6-figure job, some amazing friends and I was travelling the world for both work and pleasure

But then it’s like I got hit by a literal train


Are You Having A Mid Life Crisis?

If you’ve been connected to me for a while, you’ll know that at the age of 35 while working I suffered an almighty burnout

One that saw me in bed and off work for 8 months (and I worked for myself!)

And along came the “lessons” in life that I thought I had to learn.....

An abusive relationship

A witnessing of a serious suicide attempt


Infertility

A friend killed in an explosion

A business failure

The loss of a great love and his stepson


Fast forward 5 years back to today....

I’ve realised something absolutely fundamental


That the first 35 years of my life I wasn’t actually living a true version of me

The running around, 6 figure, 24/7 working, jet setting version of me was a version I’d created as I thought that was what success looked like

But I wasn’t living my true values

One of my values I realise now is Love


So why was I running away from relationships? Why wasn’t I having children or at the very least going to get checked out the reason I wasn’t becoming pregnant?


Why wasn't I giving love first instead of waiting to receive it?

Do you recognise any of this in yourself?

To become empowered and to change my life, I realised I had to sit with these feelings to understand what was going on

And here I was in lockdown, with nothing else to do apart from feel these emotions I’d much rather have ran away from

So, I started doing some meditation and some writing

And all of these emotions started pouring out of me, like I couldn’t write fast enough

The best way I can describe it is my life prior to 35 was like a jigsaw puzzle…

You know when you first open the box and you get that plastic bag with all the pieces in. You tip it out and you have to go through finding the outside pieces with an edge to start the puzzle off.

Well I figure the first 35 years of my life was me putting the outside edges in place


But then I looked at all of the other pieces of the puzzle in the pile of colours that made absolutely no sense.


There was no clear way to put the pieces together even with a guide, it was still a jumble

The last 5 years of my experiences I’ve finally figured I’ve been laying the rest of the jigsaw pieces out and sorting them into colours and the potential places they might go

But most importantly at the very centre of my jigsaw puzzle there’s a red heart which I’ve just added the finishing piece to

The rest of the puzzle isn’t in place yet, that’s what my next 35 years is for, where’s the fun in it if you know exactly which piece fits where from the start?

But I realised that the whole time everything comes from that middle section of the heart.


The family I want, the transformation, the truth of what I’m here to do and who I am helping.

Every single decision I’ve made along the way got me here today. In the house I’m in which I love, with the amazing people around me and my wonderful friends, my nephews and nieces who I love like my own and helping people every single day to live different lives.

I feel like I’m waking up from a dream

The challenges we have in life are usually when we’re out of balance with our core purpose or meaning

Call mine a mid-life crisis, a transformation, a sense of grief or waking the f up

It doesn’t matter

What matters is that I finally listened

I finally understood that I had to stand still for a while

The main thing I learned?

The signs were all there from the start I just wasn't listening

People were coming into my life to help me realise that I needed to make some changes


Grab onto the help that presents itself to you with both hands

Don’t fight the change as it’ll keep on at you until you do

It’s taken me 5 years to get through this phase of my life

So no it’s not been easy

And when you figure out that life isn’t just the edges of a jigsaw puzzle, but they are the middle pieces too


The pieces that reveal the beauty in the image


Nik x


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